Medicinal Woes

Have you ever heard of these popular phrases: “A little bit of what you fancy does you good” Or: “What makes you bad makes you better.”  Or: “These are the times that try men’s souls.”

These time-honoured clichés ran through my mind just a short while ago, after reading the attached patient information leaflet to a prescribed drug. My mind, then asked: “Is the Doctor trying to heal me, or kill me; by offering me such a remedy?”

At first, it was laughable.  Then seriousness and logic surfaced and it wasn't found to be quite so funny any more.  In fact, it was both frightening and Concerning, despite the fact that these drugs are rigorously tested before being released to the general public, through GP's or general practitioners.

The more common effects were first to be noted.  May cause: Stomach ulcers, stomach bleeding, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, indigestion, diarrhoea, wind (OMG!), and constipation!  Other side effects attached to the more common issues, were: general allergic reactions, including inflammation of the skin or lungs (there goes the breathing!), asthma, and difficulty in breathing (I may need the last rites), swelling of the lips, face, and neck (no kissing or love bites for a while!)  Skin reactions such as rashes, itching, dermatitis (eczema), blisters and purple discolouration (they may as well put my in the coffin now!), aggravation of digestive problems, such as: Colitis "and" Crohn’s disease.  

Finally, may cause fluid retention (I'm bursting already, where's the loo!) and swelling of the ankles or feet (honey, fetch my slippers, I can’t walk any more!)

The uncommon side effects were just as mind-boggling…

Feeling weak, cold, fever, abnormal dreams (Jeeze) panic (so that’s why I have the shakes, and I thought it was the DT’s after my drinking session last night).  Mood swings include paranoia (is it me, or is the wife staring at me?) and depression, with increased heart rate (OMG – note to myself: when I remember, where did I leave the ski mask, and the axe!)

The final passage is interesting to say the least:  “If any of these side effects become serious, or if you notice any side-effect “not listed,” please tell your Doctor immediately! (Are “they” kidding?  How do you define: "not listed?")

Meanwhile, I’ll just leave a few bodies here and there, in the hope that someone notices just how much I’ve changed, and offers to help… before I kill them all!

Please read all information supplied with medicines carefully, and follow the instructions as given, otherwise you won’t become as nuts as me, and enjoy life!