Onions and a Christmas tree

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?”

 The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.  In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After fifty, they are like onions."

“Onions?”

 “Yes, Son: You see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated the wife and daughter.  So the daughter said “Mom, how many kinds of penises are there?”

 The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases.  

In a man's twenties, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.  

In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch tree, flexible but still reliable.  

After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”

“A Christmas tree, Mom?”

“Yes dear: it’s dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only!”